Welcome to the first weekly recap of The Family League Part 2, written by a man whose team is literally named Questionable at Best. I’m 2-5. I’d love to tell you I’m in last place for the drama, but two of you are 0-7, so I’m not even good at being bad.

Week 7 had it all: an undefeated team turning off its own lights, a manager benching his own namesake, and me winning a game while leaving 40 points on my bench. Let’s get into it.

The Matchups

Who Turned Off the Lights?

The 6-0 juggernaut did, apparently.

Turn goff the lights came in undefeated and left with the lowest score of the week. The kicker: Drake Maye scored 27.44 on their bench while Brock Purdy put up 12.02 in the starting spot. Add Jonathan Taylor (19.0) and Tre Tucker (21.3) riding pine, and the best lineup on that roster was 123.64. That beats 112.90. Austin Bowers didn’t need to be great, just present, and now owns the league’s longest win streak at five.

Week’s High Score, With a Self-Inflicted Wound

Trey McBride (27.1), Luther Burden III (23.7), Puka Nacua (21.8) and Javonte Williams (21.5) all showed up for the week’s top score. Yet a team literally named after Cairo Santos started Spencer Shrader (3) while Cairo Santos kicked 14 on the bench. Meanwhile Christopher’s Culinary cooked up 116.58, the highest losing score of the week, and is still looking for its first win.

The Namesake Delivered

CeeDee Lamb put up 24.4 for the team named after him, Zay Flowers added 27.7, and Dak chipped in 23.28. I Be Tuten started Bryce Young (5.42) with Matthew Stafford (17.5) on the bench, and left Tee Higgins’ 26.8 there too.

Nearly Perfect, Except for the Name on the Door

Jaxon Smith-Njigba went off for 31.3, and this lineup was within one point of perfect. That one point? Jake Bates kicked 9 on the bench while Matt Gay kicked 8 in the lineup. rylee’s team got 28.88 from Joe Burrow and almost nothing else: Derrick Henry 5.9, Nico Collins 2.6, Sam LaPorta 2.8. That’s four losses in a row.

Your Author Wins in Spite of Himself

Tony Pollard scored 36.5, the top individual score in the league this week, and I’d like to take credit for that. I’d also like to not take credit for starting DeVonta Smith when he was projected for zero (he scored zero), or for leaving Quinshon Judkins (23.4) and Omar Cooper Jr. (22.5) on my bench. My defense scored -3. Breece Mode, meanwhile, set an almost flawless lineup, only 0.2 points off perfect, and still lost. Sometimes you do everything right and it’s still 0-7.

Week 7 Awards

Award	Winner	The case
Benchwarmer of the Week	Turn goff the lights	54.72 points left on the bench. The best possible lineup would have won by nearly 11.
Heartbreaker	Christopher’s Culinary	116.58 points would have beaten five other teams this week. Didn’t beat the one that mattered.
Luckiest Win	Austin Bowers	112.90 was the lowest winning score, and five teams outscored it. Drew the week’s lowest score as an opponent.
Worst Start/Sit	I Be Tuten	Started Bryce Young (5.42) over Matthew Stafford (17.5). Honorable mention: me, for starting a player projected for zero.
Name on the Door	Santos knows it smells well.	Benched Cairo Santos (14) to start Spencer Shrader (3). Runner-up: MasterJakeBates, who benched Jake Bates and lost exactly one point doing it.

Power Rankings

The “all-play” record is what each team would be if it played every other team every week. It’s the closest thing fantasy football has to a luck detector.

#	Team	Record	All-play	Points for	The take
1	Turn goff the lights	6-1	45-18	896.54	Still the best team in the league by all-play. Just check the bench before kickoff.
2	Santos knows it smells well.	5-2	41-22	931.64	Most points in the league and the season-high 194.82 in Week 5. Start your kicker, though.
3	Austin Bowers	5-2	39-24	895.02	Five straight wins. Lost the first two, hasn’t lost since.
4	Ken’s CeeDee Collection	4-3	42-21	863.86	Second-best all-play record, fourth in wins. The schedule owes this team an apology.
5	2nd Place MasterJakeBates	5-2	36-27	841.06	Three straight wins, and this week’s lineup was one point off perfect.
6	I Be Tuten	5-2	26-37	773.32	5-2 with a losing all-play record. The luckiest team in the league, and it isn’t close.
7	rylee’s team	3-4	33-30	819.06	Scored 163.30 in Week 5, has averaged 84.56 in the two weeks since.
8	Questionable at best	2-5	22-41	711.98	Ranking myself eighth is a conflict of interest. Owns the league’s lowest score of the season (47.48, Week 4).
9	Breece Mode	0-7	14-49	729.06	More points than me, yet zero wins. Has faced the most points in the league (927.80).
10	Christopher’s Culinary	0-7	17-46	688.64	Fewest points in the league, but 116.58 this week says the kitchen is finally heating up.

The Transaction Wire

No trades this week, so we grade the waiver wire instead.

• Austin Bowers drops Jaylen Waddle, adds Malik Washington. Bold. Either he knows something, or Waddle is about to have a revenge week on someone else’s roster. Grade: TBD, with fear.
• Questionable at best swaps the Panthers D/ST for the Jaguars D/ST. That’s my fourth defense in three weeks: Bengals, Patriots, Panthers, Jaguars. The Panthers scored -3 for me, so this one’s a mercy release. Also swapped kicker Eddy Pineiro (2 points) for Evan McPherson. Grade: C, for persistence.
• Santos knows it smells well. picks up the Bengals D/ST. The same defense I dropped two weeks ago. If they score 20, I’m retiring.
• I Be Tuten swaps Pat Freiermuth for Brenton Strange after Freiermuth’s 4-point week, and adds Tyler Bass. Grade: B.
• Ken’s CeeDee Collection drops Jayden Reed for KC Concepcion. Grade: B-, pending whether Reed ever leaves the bench for anyone.
• Turn goff the lights swaps the Titans D/ST (0 points) for the Seahawks D/ST. The lineup problem was never the defense, but sure.

Week 8 Preview

Toilet Bowl Preview: Questionable at best (2-5) at Christopher’s Culinary (0-7). The two lowest point totals in the league, head to head. I have everything to lose here, including my dignity, which is already on the waiver wire.

Also on the slate:

• Austin Bowers (5-2) at Breece Mode (0-7): a five-game win streak against a seven-game losing streak. Somebody’s streak ends, or nobody’s does.
• Ken’s CeeDee Collection (4-3) at 2nd Place MasterJakeBates (5-2): the unluckiest good team against a three-game win streak.
• Santos knows it smells well. (5-2) at rylee’s team (3-4): the league’s top scorer against a team that needs a win badly.

See you next week. Start your kickers.