Hello again from the author of Questionable at best, who would like to announce, with all the humility he can fake, that he scored 171.48 points this week. That’s the top score of Week 8, fifty points better than my previous season best, and the fourth-highest score anyone in this league has posted all year. I’m 3-5 now. Three straight wins. I don’t know who I am anymore.

Elsewhere, both winless teams lost again (one of them with the week’s third-best score), a team named after Cairo Santos cut Cairo Santos, and the Waiver Deep Cut, a column written by me, laid an egg. Balance is restored. Let’s get into it.

The Matchups

Questionable? Not Today

Your author scores the most points of the week. Please send help, or a trophy.

Ja’Marr Chase (31.1), Tony Pollard (28.7) and D’Andre Swift (27.9) all went off, and the Jaguars D/ST, my fourth defense in three weeks, dropped 21. I was only 7.1 points off a perfect lineup, all of it Dalton Kincaid’s 18.6 on my bench while Colston Loveland scored 11.5, so even when I win big I find a way to leave something on the table. Christopher’s Culinary did everything but win: 137.96 points, third-best in the league this week, with Josh Allen (26.56) and Josh Jacobs (23.2) cooking. Then there’s Tyler Allgeier, who scored 36.1 on their bench. Their best possible lineup was 165.66. That still loses to me. I will be bringing this up for years.

Tuten Turns Out the Lights

Tee Higgins put up 37.5, Bhayshul Tuten delivered 29.9 for the team that bears his name, and the waiver adds paid rent: Tyler Bass kicked 16 and the Commanders D/ST scored 14. That covered for Drake London (1.8) and Matthew Stafford (8.28). Turn goff the lights started 6-0 and has now lost two straight. This time Harold Fannin Jr. scored 23.4 on the bench while Hunter Henry scored 6 at tight end, but the best lineup on that roster was 115.96, so the bench wasn’t the problem. The lights are just off.

Santos Cuts Santos, Wins Anyway

Patrick Mahomes (25.44), Puka Nacua (25), Bucky Irving (21) and Trey McBride (20.2) carried the load, which was good, because the kicker spot did not. Last week this team benched Cairo Santos. This week it dropped him entirely to pick up Jaylen Waddle, kept Spencer Shrader, and watched Shrader kick 1 point while Cairo Santos kicked 11 for nobody. Waddle scored 14.9, on the bench. rylee’s team, meanwhile, set a perfect lineup. Literally perfect: zero points left on the bench. Joe Burrow scored 39.48, the top individual score of the week, Jahmyr Gibbs added 24.8, and it still wasn’t enough. That’s five losses in a row, and the last one wasn’t even their fault.

The Collection Adds a W

No single star here, just depth: James Cook III 18.1, Jameson Williams 17, Chase Brown 16.1, the Steelers D/ST 16, and 12.8 from the namesake CeeDee Lamb. That’s enough to survive Zay Flowers scoring 0 against a 20.1 projection and Dak Prescott’s 19.8 sitting behind Jayden Daniels (14.98). MasterJakeBates got 26.8 from Michael Wilson, 23.8 from Jaxon Smith-Njigba and 23.3 from Braelon Allen, but started Isaac TeSlaa (0) at FLEX with Ladd McConkey (12.6) on the bench. That’s a 12.6-point swing in a 7.24-point loss. Jake Bates sat on the bench again, and this time that was the right call: he kicked 6, Matt Gay kicked 10.

Six Straight, Barely

Brock Bowers did his part for the team named after him with 28.2, and Jaylen Warren added 21.3. Everyone else mostly took the day off: Bijan Robinson 7.6, Parker Washington 3.6, and Will Reichard 0 at kicker. Jonah Coleman, picked up last Wednesday, scored 20.4 on the bench. Didn’t matter. Breece Mode posted the week’s low of 82.28 with Breece Hall on the bench for a zero, and the two Sunday pickups started at running back, Jordan Mason and Corey Kiner, combined for 5.8. Kirk Cousins accounted for 28.18 of the 82.28. That’s six straight wins for Austin Bowers and eight straight losses for Breece Mode.

Week 8 Awards

Award	Winner	The case
Benchwarmer of the Week	Christopher’s Culinary	27.70 points left on the bench, led by Tyler Allgeier’s 36.1 and DeMario Douglas’s 16.6. Even the perfect lineup (165.66) would have lost to me, which is the only reason I’m comfortable writing this.
Heartbreaker	Christopher’s Culinary	137.96 would have beaten seven of the other nine teams this week. It ran into the one week I showed up.
Luckiest Win	Austin Bowers	98.60 was the lowest winning score; seven teams outscored it. Only two teams scored less, one of them its opponent, and it edged Turn goff the lights’ 98.56 by 0.04 for the right to not be second-lowest.
Worst Start/Sit	Christopher’s Culinary	Started Saquon Barkley (12.4) over Tyler Allgeier (36.1), a 23.7-point miss. The award hat trick is complete. Honorable mention: Santos knows it smells well., for Javonte Williams (6.7) at FLEX over Chuba Hubbard (24.9).
Name on the Door	Santos knows it smells well.	Benched Cairo Santos last week, cut him this week. Santos kicked 11 as a free agent; Spencer Shrader kicked 1. Runners-up, in a good way: Bhayshul Tuten (29.9) and Brock Bowers (28.2). In a bad way: Breece Hall, zero points on Breece Mode’s bench.

Power Rankings

The “all-play” record is what each team would be if it played every other team every week. It’s the closest thing fantasy football has to a luck detector.

#	Team	Record	All-play	Points for	The take
1	Santos knows it smells well.	6-2	47-25	1,064.48	Most points in the league and the best all-play record. Now please pick up a kicker who scores.
2	Turn goff the lights	6-2	46-26	995.10	Two straight losses after a 6-0 start. Still elite by all-play, just in a slump.
3	Ken’s CeeDee Collection	5-3	46-26	982.54	Tied for the second-best all-play record and two wins in a row. The schedule is starting to pay its debt.
4	Austin Bowers	6-2	41-31	993.62	Six straight wins, and this week proved it can win on an off day too.
5	I Be Tuten	6-2	34-38	917.60	Still a losing all-play record, but 144.28 this week was the real thing.
6	2nd Place MasterJakeBates	5-3	39-33	952.50	One FLEX decision away from 6-2.
7	rylee’s team	3-5	38-34	946.14	A winning all-play record, a perfect lineup this week, and a five-game losing streak. Fantasy is cruel.
8	Questionable at best	3-5	31-41	883.46	Three straight wins and the week’s top score. Still ranking myself eighth, because the all-play doesn’t lie and neither do I.
9	Christopher’s Culinary	0-8	24-48	826.60	Has faced the most points in the league (1,068.90). Scored 137.96 and lost. The kitchen deserves better.
10	Breece Mode	0-8	14-58	811.34	Fewest points in the league and the week’s low. Breece Hall, please.

The Transaction Wire

No trades again, so it’s another week of grading the waiver wire, including how last week’s moves actually played out.

• Santos knows it smells well. drops Cairo Santos, adds Jaylen Waddle. Waddle scored 14.9 on the bench; Santos kicked 11 in free agency; the kicker they kept scored 1. Grade: D, and a strongly worded letter from the team name.
• Austin Bowers adds Jonah Coleman, drops Malik Washington the same day he picked up Washington for Jaylen Waddle. Coleman scored 20.4 (on the bench). Washington scored 15 as a free agent. Waddle scored 14.9 for a rival. Grade: A for the pickup, incomplete for actually using him.
• rylee’s team adds Keenan Allen, Rico Dowdle and Chris Godwin Jr. Allen (13.7) and Dowdle (11.6) both started and delivered. Godwin, added Sunday, started and scored 0. Grade: B.
• Breece Mode adds Jordan Mason and Corey Kiner on Sunday, drops Woody Marks and Kendre Miller. Both started, combining for 5.8. The Patriots D/ST pickup did score 9. Grade: D+.
• I Be Tuten’s adds came through: Tyler Bass kicked 16, the Commanders D/ST scored 14, and Brenton Strange added 7.5. Grade upgraded to A-.
• Last week’s follow-up: my Jaguars D/ST scored 21, so the C I gave myself for persistence is now a B+. Santos knows it smells well.’s Bengals D/ST, the one I dropped, scored 2. I am not retiring.

Deep Cut Report Card

Last week’s Waiver Deep Cut pick was Mason Taylor, TE, New York Jets, served as Meaghan Moineau’s Dish of the Week: the Taylor-Made Mason Jar Parfait. Coming off a 25.2-point Week 7, he scored 4.9 points in Week 8.

Verdict: Flat Pancake. The parfait promised that the good stuff was hiding under the yogurt. Turns out it was just yogurt. Nobody in this league picked him up, which means for once all of you ignored my advice and were right to. He’s still sitting on waivers if you’d like a parfait with no fruit in it. I wrote the column, I own the pancake, and I’ll be back with another pick you should probably fade.

Week 9 Preview

Toilet Bowl Preview: Breece Mode (0-8) at Christopher’s Culinary (0-8). Two eight-game losing streaks enter, and barring a tie, one leaves with its first win. Christopher’s Culinary just scored 137.96; Breece Mode just scored 82.28. Start Tyler Allgeier.

Also on the slate:

• I Be Tuten (6-2) at Austin Bowers (6-2): a six-game win streak against the team coming off the week’s second-best score. One of the four 6-2 teams goes to 6-3.
• 2nd Place MasterJakeBates (5-3) at Turn goff the lights (6-2): Turn goff tries to stop a two-game skid. Jared Goff plays for the visitors, which is a whole thing.
• rylee’s team (3-5) at Questionable at best (3-5): my three-game win streak against their five-game losing streak, and the perfect lineup that couldn’t win. I’m nervous. They’re due.

See you next week. Start your kickers.